Ouch! Big time!

Most of you know I lost my pregnancy about a couple of weeks ago... I thought I could move on a week after that... Oh no! I was so wrong!

Last Friday, Bo took me to the hospital again because the abdominal pain I've been having worsen over time. At the hospital, a different doctor checked me.. She did scan and pressed my tummy and asked me questions. I told her I was just here 2 weeks ago, she told me to wait outside while she referred to the other doctor. And then, she took my blood & urine sample, for pregnancy test she said... I was super confused at this point but gave in anyway. She then took me to do a vaginal scan.. I was still very confused, but secretly hoping that something good would come out of this.. She told me she suspected that I was pregnant earlier on, that gave me a little hope.

She called 2 of her colleagues to see the image on the screen during the vaginal scan to get second opinion... Really made me uncomfortable, but the pain was unbearable that all I wanted was for them to get it over and done with. After the scan, she took me to the consultation room and told me what was happening. I was shocked! Apparently, the pregnancy I lost 2 weeks ago had a couple of twins but were ectopic. Implanted just outside of my left tube. I have no choice but to undergo Laparoscopic (keyhole surgery) and remove both the pregnancy... I was

devastated but what other choice did I have?

I was admitted to the hospital that day and was in the Operation Theater by 8.30 PM.. By almost 1 pm, I was back in my hospital bed and was having the most excruciating pain I've ever felt in my entire life... The pain was so great that my blood pressure went up and they had to jab me with pain killer. Before I dozed off, they showed me 2 plastic containers containing bloody thing I suspected the pregnancies they 'extracted' that night. I was so tired I fell asleep before I could see what was the shape or how it looked like.

By Sunday I was discharged with 4 holes on my belly, impossible to move around and couldn't really eat anything. I thank God for Bo & my sister who did everything for me... Even Noah helped around.

Here's photos of my tummy (the aftermath)

Here's video on how it was done, this isn't mine though but the procedure is the same. Take from Medicana Life website. Very graphic so watch with caution!

Think Pink!?

I love pink! Isn't that obvious? So it is natural that whatever comes in pink 'interests' me... Now don't go dirty minded there, I know what you're thinking!

Anyway, it's halfway through October. I was very excited in welcoming October.. but as many of you know, something happened to me and the excitement disappeared, over-whelmed by grief instead... Anyway, back to October... I'm sure everybody knows that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I try to be as much involved in the awareness program as I can.. From wearing my pink ribbon, wearing my NKOTB's t-shirt, to supporting the awareness programs by buying their merchandise and go to pink parties and road shows. I even made it a point to have shocking pink nail polish! Just to show my support. It helps that I love the color too!

So when Harper's Bazaar invited me to their Pink Party, my excitement re-appear! I get to go show my support!

The nice part of this was I got to dress in pink! That wasn't a problem, because if you look into my closet, almost all my dresses are pink! Another nice part is I got to meet up with the 3 out of 5 models who become like a spokespersons for BCA (Breast Cancer Awareness) program for Harper's Bazaar.. If you have the October issue of the magazine, you'd know who they are. But the BEST part was meeting up with a group of breast cancer survivors who patiently told me their experience and how it changed their lives... It was really an eye opener. There are so open about it that all the questions I was ashamed to ask before were answered. I left the party with a sense of "awareness" and made it a point to have myself examined at least every three months!

And by the way, for the first time today, I saw all the food being served was pink color, even the fried noodle! Made me scared to even touch it! Ouch!

Things happen for a reason?

There was a number of reasons why I didn't want to tell the whole world that I was pregnant. Even after about 10 positive HPTs and two visits to different doctors to confirm. I sort of fear that something like this will happen and it did. And this was not the first time I had a miscarriage.

I was at my 5th weeks 5th day when I felt a very sharp throbbing pain on my lower abdominal. Panic, Bo decided to call the hospital to get advice and we were told to go to the emergency ward for pregnant mothers.

At the hospital, the young doctor told me that I was miscarrying and that they had to abort my pregnancy as it will be threatening not to do so. I was sad.. I wanted a second opinion, but my regular specialist wasn't around.

So we went ahead with the abortion. Of course I cried... but I tried to be positive about it.. The pregnancy didn't survive because it's a weak embryo. Even if it survived, it'll probably be problematic. Besides, I have planned a few trips before I found out I was pregnant and thought I had to cancel them... guess not!

I wish to thank you all who called, sent texts, comment on FB etc.. Your words were consoling and showed that you cared... I'm touched..

Thoughts & prayers

While I couldn't wait to say goodbye to September, and excitedly welcoming October... it kind of slipped my mind of the natural disasters that have been happening in other countries... Typhoon & flood in the Philippines, quakes & flood in Indonesia, tsunami in Samoan Islands and dust storm in Australia which apparently hit Sydney badly.. I am thanking God that it didn't happen while we were there last August.

My thought goes to the people effected by all the disasters... Imagining Christmas is just a couple of months away and these people have lost their homes and family members is just heartbreaking.

Do you realize how natural disaster 'normally' happens towards the end of the year? I remember my own experience with typhoon Greg in 1996, it was on Boxing Day early morning... around 2 am. Most of my Christmas presents were damaged as my bedroom was the most hit corner of my parents house at that time. And remember the big Acheh Tsunami was also on a Christmas Day/Boxing Day...

Made me wonder if it's safe to travel during Christmas time? I'd better not... I'm thinking of cancelling my trip to Bali this month end too.. Maybe I will, we'll see..

Are we excited yet?!

I CAN'T WAIT!! I CAN'T WAIT!! I CAN'T WAIT!! I CAN'T WAIT!! I CAN'T WAIT!!

I can't say that enough!! I can't wait already!

To hell with the protest.. they (the people who protest) don't know why they protest in the first place anyway! I just hope I'll have enough energy to last me all night!